after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
