There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
