there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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