Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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