My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
