from now on my penis is your penis
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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