Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
