ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
