and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
