You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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