EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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