If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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