May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Randomize
