sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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