u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
