Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
