Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize