i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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