I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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