I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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