you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
