Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
