my shit smells like andre
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
