just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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