I can't watch pbs sober anymore
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
