Swine flu. Run for my life!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
