apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
