im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
