Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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