1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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