remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I need water and some morals
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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