I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
