i don't like sucking hair
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
