DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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