The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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