But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
