my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
