I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just had sex on a roof
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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