i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so let's talk penis.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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