i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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