It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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