Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
