Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
