My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
