The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
