we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
