I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
