Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
