All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
time to smoke my breakfast
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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