True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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