I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
