like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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