In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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