I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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