I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think my moral compass just broke
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
