the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
