and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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