3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize