Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
