just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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