I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
