first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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