if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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