I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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