Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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