i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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