I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize