In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
