If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just pee around me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize