He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
