we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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