whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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