I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
