so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
