Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My hand turned me down
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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