just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
