Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
