So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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