woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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