Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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