Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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