Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
