I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
