Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
