I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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