Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
