i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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