There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
