Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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