He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize