return my video game
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
