oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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