you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
