I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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