i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
