I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
