These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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